||[Jan. 5th, 2009|08:12 pm]
|||||SS501 - U R Man||]|
Who's stupid? I AM.
I posted this at my LJ. Rawwr. So it's late but I did finish it earlier though. Haha.
PAIRING Rui/Tsukushi (HYD)
A/N So it was a Tsukasa/Tsukushi fic but I wanted to challenge myself. Riight. I hope joana29 doesn't think this is crap. LOL. I haven't written anything for idk, a few months? ILY JO-CHAN. ♥
can we liek change the layout of the comm? I want a shiny, happy one! ^^ *gets shot*
I wished for one thing. And that was to stop thinking about him. Just one letter for this without a single mention of him, even a passing reference. But then if I did, I’d have to erase my entire life. I kind of hate myself for writing this down.
I wouldn’t have started this without him though. All the questions, they get me every time. I keep wondering, in five years will I still be like this? Will I still flinch every time he touches me, or will I have built up a defense mechanism after so long? I don’t even know what I want the answer to be. Of course I want to have gotten over it by then but... there’s a part of me that still want to look at these letters of love. It’d be so graceless if I ended up wanting to slash the paper into pieces. It’s more romantic to look back in five years, still feel the pangs of love.
That’s what this is. Love.
I hear footsteps approaching. I don’t have to look up to know that it’s him.
“Why are you here?” I say gruffly, moving a bit so he won’t notice the notebook I was holding. The last thing I need is him reading whatever love declaration I had written down.
“Is that how you talk to a person who’s concerned about you?” he snickers.
He sits down next to me, trying to make small talk. I am quiet.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks.
“Oh.” There’s a long pause and he closes his eyes. There is something weird about him, he looked a little.. helpless.
I watch his eyelids flutter. Delicate and lacy, all of it. I can feel him so close to me and he’s so warm. I tried to be careful when I looked at him. His eyes are still closed—I bet he didn’t even know how beautiful he was.
“The weather’s been a bit cold lately.”
“A bit? It’s practically freezing out here.” I answer back.
“If it’s freezing why are you still out here?” he frowns.
And then he’s looking at me, intently with those big eyes, and I try to break off the stare but he’s still looking. I do not need this. I do not need this. I do not want him looking at me likes he wants me. God, please.
He finally opens his mouth to speak again and says, “Makino, look—“ and his head moves sideways the same time I turn to look at him. Our lips catch on each other like thorns. Accidental kiss, but then his lips aren’t moving—well they are, but not away, just moving enough to make something shoot up and down my spine like paralyzation, and he is kissing me. I’m sure this is happening, it has to be, since I’m kissing him back.
He apologizes and stands up. My thoughts aren’t coherent enough to comprehend the whole situation. The only thing that’s going on in my mind is, “I love you and thank God you even feel just a fraction of this.”
“I never should have—“ he says, and for the first time he’s at loss for words.
“No.” I shake my head. “It’s— it’s okay.” But before I could say some more, I started crying and when he put his arms around me, the tears flowed some more.
“I-I’ll always be your friend, but I just wanted you to know how I felt.”
Because that’s what we were. Friends. It’s easy for us to do some horrendous thing and later act like nothing happened.
But this isn’t horrendous in my book. This is Rui Hanazawa. The one who kisses my scars, protects me when Tsukasa is bullying me, tolerates me when I babble about anything at all.. it’s him. The person I love. And that person just kissed me.
And may possibly love me back.
I nod. He may have understood that it meant a yes from me because his hands are now on my face. They are so light and I’m afraid of doing anything. His breath is ghosting over my cheeks. I feel like crying. Finally, him needing me the way I need him. Him needing me like he needs me to breathe.
Another kiss. And I feel all of it this time. I don’t even want to breathe back for air anymore. I twist his hair into my fingers and when I open my eyes he is smiling at me. Warm, glowy. This only happens in movies, I think. But this is reality. There are no fireworks, birds chirping, or the gates of heaven opening. It’s only me, Rui and my chest is exploding with light. All I have ever wanted is between my hands.. everything.
And that’s all that matters, really.